When Contract Roles End:
How I went from job rejection depression to leveraging my skills in my own business
I've, at times, put my independent consulting pursuits on the back burner and downplayed my accomplishments. I have sought (and secured) various contract roles, hoping to one day be converted to a full-time employee to get a taste of that "security and certainty" that everyone talks about. No longer about begging for a job to prove to strangers that I'm "worth something" or will be an asset to their team. I wonder how much further along my business could be if I had never taken my eye off the ball to gain corporate experience.
I got tired of sitting in interviews shucking and jiving hoping to get an offer. No matter how well the interview went, it seems like getting an offer was damn near impossible, not realizing I had a role, a "job" if you will, already. I was just running from it in the name of this elusive "security" and what society tells you that you SHOULD want. After my last interview that went SO well that I was sure I'd get an offer the same day but didn't, I said no more! Why am I taking myself through this roller coaster? Why am shying away from what I've been working towards – admittedly off and on – for nearly 9 years?
As it stands now, I have two registered businesses and I've put both of them on the backburner countless times to interview for and work in contract roles that ended up doing nothing but putting my businesses further behind.
I struggled with "being all over the place" because I am interested in and have mastered multiple things: from instructional design to legal transcription to product management and consulting – and that's just naming a few. There's a certain shame around being a "jack of all trades" but the truth is, if it weren't for "all these trades," I don't know where I'd be.
Considering that my last contract role ended nearly 6 months ago, where would I be had I never started any of my businesses or freelance pursuits? Total transparency: I do not come from a wealthy family, I had no real savings, nor any 401K to borrow against; I didn't even have the hope of getting a tax refund in the coming months. I almost lost everything and it makes total sense; everything I'd acquired was built on the shaky foundation of contract work. When that work was gone, so was pretty much everything else.
My self-esteem momentarily took a hit each time I was rejected from a job or an interview went well but didn't result in an offer. I thought to myself:
"Am I REALLY that bad?"
"Why can't they see my value?"
"There are people with half my skills getting offers at top companies. What's wrong with me?"
"Is it my age?"
"Is it my race?"
"Have they Googled me and wondered why I want a job at all?"
"Why can I only seem to land interviews for contract roles?"
"Will I be doomed to working until I'm 80 because I haven't been able to secure an FTE role?"
This self-doubt is what kept me applying for jobs and even keeping a spreadsheet of the hundreds of applications (and subsequent rejection emails). If I'm being honest, deep down, I didn't want a job and that's probably why I couldn't seem to land one. I wanted to showcase what I can do; how I can add value; how things could operate more efficiently; how I could best serve and make an impact. In our society, these qualities are packaged up and presented to employers hoping they'll see your worth and hire you.
After my last and final job interview (for a contract role of course), I had an a-ha moment: had it not been for my entrepreneurial spirit and the businesses that I had so severely neglected, I might very well be living on the streets right now. It was my skills and my solution-first thought process that allowed me to stay afloat with no traditional job for 6 months in a dismal economy. That's a lot of pressure but it's a type of pressure I'm extremely grateful for. I am also grateful for the realization that no one, and I mean no one, will believe in you more than you believe in yourself. I realized it's not up to a contracting agency or employer to secure my future or even my present.
For years, I kept my LinkedIn profile set so recruiters could see I was "open to work." Recruiters filled my inbox to gauge my interest in contract roles. Foolishly, I'd get my hopes up every single time I'd land an interview with some of the top companies in the country. I'd hear the "positive" feedback afterward, yet still walk away with nothing. Then the questions came: Were they ever really hiring in the first place? What's the real reason for the rejection?" Why was I doing this to myself when I had all the skills and a business that was already started (just neglected)?
After my last and final job interview (for a contract role of course), I had an a-ha moment: had it not been for my entrepreneurial spirit and the businesses that I had so severely neglected, I might very well be living on the streets right now. It was my skills and my solution-first thought process that allowed me to stay afloat with no traditional job for 6 months in a dismal economy. That's a lot of pressure but it's a type of pressure I'm extremely grateful for. I am also grateful for the realization that no one, and I mean no one, will believe in you more than you believe in yourself. I realized it's not up to a contracting agency or employer to secure my future or even my present.
I often wondered what would happen if I didn't seek out work and just laser-focused on my business pursuits. Well, I'm about to find out. I know I'm not the only one (trust me, I've done some research) but many of us are scared to leap. Many of us - myself included – are scared to even add our company on LinkedIn, you know, just in case the "perfect employer" comes calling and wants to hire us. That mindset ends today for me. I'm stepping into everything I know I'm great at and no longer trying to sell worth to someone else's company when my very own company needs me more.